hello ^^ this page is dedicated to a youtube playlist i made recently. i started it wanting to have a playlist that i can send to ppl to explain my taste in music as succinctly as possible. i don't know if i really succeeded at that, but i did end up making something pretty cool!

da linky <-- pls click this!!

it ended up mostly consisting of my favourite songs, but i have ordered them very particularly to tell a sort of story. below is something of a director's commentary on what i was thinking with each of these songs and why they're so important to me

[1] Igaku (Medicine) - Haraguchi Sasuke

Doctor Kidori desu!

[2] RBF Syndrome - om

Have you noticed that I like Teto,?

Whenever I make anything creative, I think about The Scarlet Letter, as I'm sure everyone does. I first tried reading it in middleschool and gave up until I had to read it again in highschool and I really loved it! Since then, I've been obsessed with the idea of starting your work with something that says "this probably isn't for you and that's probably okay." If you don't like generally abrasive japanese UTAU vocals with relatively simple but high-energy instrumentals, then this playlist probably isn't for you and that's probably okay.

[3] Dance Delightful - Jaime Paige

I LOVE THIS SONG

[4] Gatcha Pop Sessions, Vol 5 - yuugen

Ridiculously underrated. These Gatcha Pop Sessions are pretty different from this artist's more popular tracks, so I guess it makes sense. I really recommend you look into the rest of them, though, as with all the tracks in this playlist.

[5] Kansaete Kuyashiiwa - ZUTOMAYO

Everytime this song comes on, I audibly moan.

[6] ザネリ歌いました - Ado

This is one of my favourite songs by Ado, which is a really high bar. I must assume this is one of her less popular songs since I've never seen a translation for it, even though I've gone looking. (If you know of any kinda translation please tell me!) Regardless, i find it really enchanting and fun

I've considered making some kind of story based off of my interpretation of the music video, using what I feel about the character designs n stuff. I think it'd be a really fun exercise!

[7] Sister Juke - Machine Girl

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[8] Cyan Hardcore - Machine Girl

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[9] Girl Hell 1999 - femtanyl

I remember listening to this around when it first came out, and fucking loving it. I'm really glad femtanyl has gotten as popular as she has since :3

I found really easy bass tabs for this. It's like one of the first things I show people who want to try bass, because it's really easy to get a feel for and super fun regardless.

[10] THINK-chan - FOUR SEASONS - TSUGIHAGI RECORDS

This used to be the only track from this artist that I knew, and I have since rectified that because of making this playlist. Gods, they're really good. If I ever make a CARMINE TASTE 2, there's definitely going to be more TSUGIHAGI RECORDS

[11] Paralyzed (Mystery Skulls cover) - Ken Ashcorp

I think it's really funny that I only included Ken's covers, but I've been loving his music for a very long time. The first voice training I did--before I knew it was called that--I was imitating the way Ken sings, and well a little bit of Mystery Skulls too.

[12] Bodhisattva - Steely Dan

I know a couple of the bass parts for this!

[13] Night by Night - Steely Dan

From what I've seen, the Pretzel Logic album was made when the Steely Dan guys first moved out to California. I find it really funny just how relatable it still is 50 years removed. I know a couple too many people who are living Night by Night. I think the whole album works so well in part because of how funny it is when you really engage with it.

The song gives words for feelings I had a hard time pin-pointing when I couldn't imagine tomorrow.

[14] I Can See It in Your Eyes - Men At Work

Men At Work is generally pretty silly, but this song stands out quite a bit for being a touch more serious. It makes me shiver sometimes when I'm sitting with myself on a quiet day. (I was considering putting Dr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive in here somewhere, but wagever.) I usually confuse this for a Steely Dan song. It feels like it would fit in right next to the songs on Aja.

The tracks before this are mostly for fun and to introduce things, but this is the point in the playlist where I wanted to start getting some meaning across. This and the tracks around it follow a pretty clear line of thinking, and they all feel kind of nostalgic. It's like hearing a "once upon a time..."

[15] All Night - Fox Stevenson

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[16] Up / Miss You More / More Every Day - Fox Stevenson

By far my favourite of his unreleased songs. When I try thinking of a Fox Stevenson song, it's usually this one.

Everytime I hear this, I think about all my old highschool friends and my family. I barely talk to any of them anymore; covid kinda ruined my life. I hope they wouldn't recognize me now; not just for being trans. I've really changed a lot in a very short time. The Carmine you know is very different from the Mae I used to be, even just some number of months removed, and it's for the better. It gives me whiplash thinking about it. I guess in that sense, I kinda miss myself, like things feel like they've moved too fast for me to catch up. That's what this song makes me feel.

[17] u x me (back when i was living) - laura les

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[18] LOVESICK, CANNIBAL - femtanyl

Love! Love! Sick! Sick! Cannibal!

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[19] Cilantro - Patricia Taxxon

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[20] MAGIK (feat. Sennzai) - Snail's House

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[21] DARKEN - ZUTOMAYO

This song could nonconcentually impregnate me and make me birth it's beautiful children after a grueling 9 months in my bellay.

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[22] Tententengokujigokugoku - Aiobahn +81

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[23] Shiawaseni Nante Naranaide - Aiobahn

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[24] Silhouette (feat. Milk Talk) - Moe Shop

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[25] Specialgirl - Rerulili

I love these two loids; I wish there was more stuff made with them. I sorta felt that way about Teto before she made it big, so maybe,,,

I find this song teeth rottingly sweet and happy, so I needed something rougher to come after.

[26] Cadmium Colors - Jaime Paige

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[27] Ashura-Chan (Ado cover) - Wevebi

This is my favourite song for showing off Teto's growl.

This is the track I bet the most you haven't heard before, unless you know me, then you'll know I never stop playing it. It's made by someone I met through Fraymakers, the platform fighter. I was really excited to get my hands on it and make my own characters for it. And I was incredibly lonely, so I lurked in their discord server for a while. Wevebi is one of the people I found through that. I haven't kept up with anyone from there, bcs I kinda hate online friendships. It doesn't work for me. On the off chance I know you through that, I'm doing well! I've been working on some Rivals of Aether characters here and there, and I plan on having something on this website for when I actually finish one =w= Hope you're all doing well :3

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[28] SHADE - ZUTOMAYO

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[29] Monitoring - DECO*27

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[30] Lost Umbrella - inabakumori

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[31] Itaino Itaino Tondeike - TOOBOE

Italian brainrot ass title.

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[32] Aishite Aishite Aishite (Kikuo cover) - Ado

There are so many versions of this song, but fuck I easily love this one the most. I wish I had what it takes to scream at my parents this way.

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[33] inlove - sewerslvt

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I hoped this would be a nice little break in between edgy vocaloid songs. It's still pretty edgy, but wayyyy more laid-back.

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[34] A Mistaken Belief of Love (NILFRUITS cover) - Oktavia

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[35] YESMAN - NILFRUITS

This song kinda changed my life. I found it at just the right time when I was crunching every waking hour to pass my 5 online college classes. Sometimes it would come on in the middle of an assignment, and, seeing myself reflected in my monitor, I would stop what I was doing and go walk to the 1 of 2 campus food stores that was open during covid lockdowns and get some warm soup. A lot of the other songs around this one are from the same time. (I was learning about vocaloid to keep myself sane.) But, this one especially has a warm, sticky spot in my heart. I wanted to make an english translation and I still think of some of the lyrics I came up with when I listen to it.

It made me aware of the burnout and stress I was feeling, let me give those things names. This song helped me finally give up. Giving up and learning to admit that I was so burnt out is what put me on a 3~4 odd year mental health recovery shut-in loser arc. I think it helped me in the long term. Every part of it sucked to go through; don't be mistaken. At the end of it, I had to learn how to talk to people in real life again, since I hadn't done that for 5 years. Despite it, I'm really happy now. I'm still working things out, and I think I will be for a while. It does get better, and this is the main song I contribute towards starting all of that.

BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS AND NEVER STOP NVR EVR

[36] Color & Electricity - muship

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[37] Night is Faint (Eve cover) - Trickle

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[38] Momiagewo Shakaagewo - nunununununununu...

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I had karage with kewpie mayo before; it was pretty nice

[39] Occult - 2mello and MILLION SUNDAY

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[40] JUST BE COMPETENT - R U S S E L B U C K

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[41] All Night Radio - Ado

Very underrated Ado song, but it's different from what she usually does, so idk sure.

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[42] "Juban District" - Ginger Root

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[43] FUTARI - yuugen

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[44] imperfect - SUI UZI

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[45] Overijssel - Patricia Taxxon

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[46] Hysteric Night Girl (android52 edit) - PSYQUI, Such

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[47] Ambiguous - Hellzapoppin', Tare

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[48] RuLe - Ado

I see this as a sort of sequel to Usseewa, but I like this one just a touch more for this.

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[49] NAMx (BOOTY HEAVEN MIX) - Renard

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[50] Itadaki Babel - Aoibahn +81

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[51] My Love is a Quickscope - Vylet Pony

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[52] I like to pump it - prodkaz

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[53] I MIGHT B3 SICK - femtanyl

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[54] Your Inception - Joel Baylis, Shelby Harvey

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[55] Wherever We Are Now - Joel Baylis, Shelby Harvey

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[56] Lysergide Daydream - Will Wood

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[57] Admire the Arcitecture - The Scary Jokes

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This and the 2 songs around it are supposed to get across the extreme degree of malaise and apathy that everyone in my home town is constantly under. These songs stray kind of silly, but I think it's appropriate for how little mind everyone seems to give it, or even enjoy it. This one specifically, I think about everytime I notice how different everything is, coming back from the city. I'm glad I have a touchstone for it, because it's very easy to forget what things feel like anywhere but here.

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[58] Amnesia Was Her Name - Lemon Demon

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[59] Mr. Capgras Encounters a Secondhand Vanity: Tulpamancer's Prosopagnosia - Will Wood

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Putting the plurality song right after the personified amnesia song was purrposeful.

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[60] Play-With-Fire (self cover) - Camellia, Hiasobi

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[61] Help Me, ERINNNNNN! - beatMARIO, COOL&CREATE

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[62] Adieu, to this Lively Graveyard (Akatsuki Records Rhythm Heaven Map) - NP

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[63] Spoken For - FLAVOR FOLEY

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[64] PLAY DEAD! PLAY DEAD! - Vylet Pony

This album fucks incredibly, especially while intoxicated.

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[65] Rules of Nature (Jamie Christopherson Acoustic Cover) - Ken Ashcorp

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[66] ime-chan wants to become a guitar hero - ime44

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[67] SICK HACK (Koki Adaniya, akkin Bass Cover) - Pinyo

Wow a bass cover to a Bocchi the Rock song. What, did you start learning bass recently or something?

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[68] I think I can - the pillows

This song is so emblematic of how I feel recently.

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[69] Thousand Yard Stare - 4lung

This is one of the only songs that has captured this specific way I feel. I really am afraid of everything. I had no idea I would make it this far. And sometimes, without warning, I'll cry myself to sleep thinking about it all. The term "CPTSD" puts too fine a point on it. I've been hurt dramatically, and the people in my life who could have done something about it refused to. So, I'm stuck this way.

I'm sorry to end this on such a sour note. I usually fail to recognize all of these feelings, even though it colours everything I do. In a way it's hard to ever fully recognize it, exactly because it's just how I always am. I hope I generally come across as lackadaisical, brilliant, deeply unserious, terribly romantic, a little insane, and happy. Coming across as hurt and scared sharing these things usually generates pity, and pity alone simply doesn't help me. I could win all the pain-lympics I want, but for what?

So don't pity me. Do not feel sorry for me. I was hurt. It's not your fault. I learned all the wrong things. I learned not to play. I learned to always be scared, because it kept me alive, but I don't need to feel that way anymore. I'm slowly making all of these things right in my head. It will take time. I will never fully heal. But, I'm doing all I can now, and that's all I ever need to do. I hope you can't relate, but knowing the friends I tend to make, I'm sure you do.

closing

more than anything in the world, i wish i could put tatsuro yamashita in here. all of his shit gets wiped off of the face of the earth as soon as it is uploaded, so i didn't bother trying. so uhh, go listen to tatsuro yamashita's music dummy. ppl are always uploading it bcs it fucks so incredibly hard. it's main character music. you could be making a right turn at a weird intersection and listening to that music makes u feel like king of da world babey. trust.

in all seriousness thank you for reading. even if you scrolled down here past everything, i think that still shows a level of care that i really appreciate.

i've already been having a shit ton of ideas for a second version of this playlist, but i think i want to wait a while to make it anyway; though, i do plan on reusing this layout for other article type pages that i've been wanting to make. please await them patiently ^^