> FOREWORD // this is rather personal. we include this personal information as we believe it's important for understanding how our unique plurality has manifested, and because we trust you! (at least enough for this) i should also warn you that hearing other systems experiences can tend to induce plural feelings in ppl. you are warned

> THE SEED

> during covid lockdown, (of course) hazel was really going through it. it wanted out of our parents' house, as far away as possible and as soon as possible. in 2021, on the opposite side of the state, hazel moved into her dorm, despite the college still only offering online classes and having severely limited in-person services and such. her roommate ignored her completely everyday, every attempt at finding friends turned up dry, she had to balance 5 courses with strict teachers, the nearest on-campus grocery store was a mile away, with a mile deep valley in between, and had to keep up appearances when her parents would randomly call her. in the last few days, it failed to turn in every assignment or take every test, stayed up all night talking to our girlfriend (since that was the only personal connection she could have), and physically collapsed and rolled on the cold concrete laughing on the way to get groceries. even then, there was nobody around to ask if she was okay, so she rested, sent some messages to her asleep girlfriend, picked herself up, and returned to the dorm with no food to speak of.

> except, nearly the whole time it was there, it would imagine a character she named Soup, to compliment her personal oc of sorts Tomato. she could imagine her moving and speaking with an unusual level detail. sometimes, hazel's movements and speech would change to be more in line with Soup's, and suddenly there were more groceries and finished assignments than hazel could remember. unfortunately, this would cause more stress at times, but it certainly helped. upon later insights, we learned that Soup had been around for a very long time before that, shitty parents are known to cause this, but she took a more active role with the pronounced levels of stress.

> UHHH

> after coming home from college and finding out what burnout was, hazel decided to stay at our girlfriend's place and rest and work through what she needed to. she learned a lot! she made some friends, learned about CPTSD, empty spaces, and of course plurality. every time it learned more about plurality, it would think "that's so cool, I wish I was like that," and then Soup would kick around begging for a voice. she found out how to cognisantly step out of the body and let someone else take control (another shoutout to http://healthymultiplicity.com/). and sure enough, our headspace was mapped out, and almost seemed to gain a new member every day.

> when we started, it was dark. progress was made with recognizing unconscious thought in different voices and tireless research. lots of basic terms. i'll say, the thing that helped most with getting everything mapped out and turning the lights on was meditation, a guide for which we found through healthymultiplicity. meditation is just about the first thing we recommend for anyone questioning or struggling with early plurality. (hypnosis also has an effect, the two being fundamentaly similar.) if your plurality is manifesting in a way which causes you significant distress FIX IT!!! talk to each other, and put genuine trust in one another. you all share a body, so the longer you take to get your shit figured out, the more it will set you all back. please.

> fortunately for us, we were all generally on the same page about working together, and were fairly capable of talking with each other, and sharing memories. i understand that this experience is far outside the norm. when we were starting, our experiences were far more distinct or partitioned, and it became easier(?) over time. (we kinda miss it...) this may have something to do with our layout. it is like the cockpit of a spaceship, with a space in the center for those fronting. there are screens to see what's going on, and fun things like a couch, so many of us enjoy hanging out and watching. in this space, we can clearly see and hear each other, so we aren't particularly afraid of offering some input to whoever's up in front. it also helps that we can hear each others' thoughts. that, particularly, was very stressful at first. it means we're much less likely to blurt out what someone is trying to say, but also that everyone is a completely open book. it gets so noisey. so noisey.

> FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

> SO, WHAT'S IT LIKE? // it's fun! you know when you have the house all to yourself and you feel completely alone? we don't feel that anymore, like there's always someone around. it's a little different, but it's kinda like that. also, all inner dialogue is truly dialogue. our voices are differently coloured and come from places of different concerns and worries.

> HOW DO YOU KEEP TRACK OF SO MANY? // with this website, duh. there are dedicated resources for tracking system members like pluralkit and simply plural, but we don't really like them. this works better for us. if you want to use this layout or any of our layouts for your own webpage, just ask!

> DOES IT EVER GET IN THE WAY? // at the end of the day, it is a tool that the brain uses to lessen the impact of severe trauma. (this is how it has manifested for us, but not for everyone of course.) as a result, we are able to funtion well despite that trauma and under situations of greater duress. it's no replacement for actual psychological work, but helps more than you could imagine in the moment. for daily functioning under a typical amount of stress, it can be a little annoying at times, but rarely stops us from doing what we need or want to.

> HOW DO I TELL WHO'S FRONTING? // get to know us! we generally perform as a singlet, like everybody else does, so it can be hard to tell at times. we all have some specific tells that also help us to recognize as we can more readily take down that singlet mask. also you can just ask, dude. "who's fronting?" can get pretty tiresome, but it's a fairly direct way to ask, which we appreciate. we wouldn't mind being asked if you ever catch us switching.

> WHAT'S IT LIKE TO SWITCH? // this is a vry subjective experience. for us, it happens VERY quietly, usually we don't even know. it can be very disorienting though. "waking up" and suddenly being in the middle of a social situation, surrounding by ppl you barely know, with no recolection of how you got there is pretty scary. it is less scary knowing that it's normal and having lived with it for multiple years. we also have a sort of "navigator?" who pays attention to just about everything and can relay important information at run time. (thank you Cream !!!!) we've been purposely taking the plunge and switching more often with fewer shared memories, because it's very affirming and fun! we might not be so open to the idea without our "navigator" though.

> AND NOW

> and now, not much has changed. we've been living our life with more or less the same understanding of our plurality over that time. obviously there are many more of us than when we started, and we each have grown and changed in our own ways. (this is healthy for systems!) we have landed on the name CARMINE SYSTEM, for now. oh, we also changed the layout of headspace, somewhat on accident. it's now a rainy, cute, little alleyway, but everything is more or less in the same place. we started building it in minecraft and had to stop because it was very strangely distressing. and very lately, through the power of meditation again, we've turned off the lights and put some curtains up. our experiences since has been far more distinct with the usual time-loss amnesia, but it's still quite easy to draw the curtains and flick the lights on.

> personal review of plurality: 10/10! five golden stars. it feels like a superpower for accessing deeper parts of the brain. the brain works in symbol and metaphor. being plural feels like getting to understand that language. exploring our plurality has helped process trauma and has really let us free to live. if you think you might be plural or are struggling with it, please do some research and meditation. anyone can "become" plural, and if you do, do not feel beholden to everyone else's terms or concepts. using identities created by doctors can be useful, but will hurt you in the long run. your multiplicity is all your own !!